British English vs Malaysian English

A friend of mine e-mailed this.

Take a look and see how (most) Malaysians speak/use English in their own ways Stick out tongue [:P]

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I’m sorry, Sir, but we don’t seem to have
the sweater you want in your size, but if you give
me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page
for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hallo, who page?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I’d like to get by. Would you
please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on
me.
Malaysians:No-need, lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be
possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don’t be shy, lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don’t recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I’d prefer not to do that, if you don’t mind.
Malaysians: Doe-waaaan!

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I
understand where you’re
coming from, but I really have to disagree with
what
you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR
VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower
your voice, I’m trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shaddap lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS
YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at
me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at
the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD
HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just
happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why lidat????ADUI!!!
(jumping to conclusion)

WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn’t the way to do it here let mne
show you.
Malaysians:Hoi!!!u pig ar lidat also doe no how to
do!!!!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians:Celaka u/LANCAUUUUUUUU/cibai
la/puki mak/pu nya ma!!! (swearing…sometimes the F word sounds better!)

It’s atrocious. Am not talking about the accent, It’s the choice of words. My God! Mind Your Language!!

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